Take note boys...

I don't ever want to see you in the following shoes:



I know Nelly or whoever that was made Air Force Ones seem really cool, but these are just plain awful and look like giant white boats.  All I can concentrate on are how bad these are when you're fist pumping around me and it distracts me from my own hot dance moves and drinking.  Whites can be done, but try converse or lacoste and if you're feet are too big, just bypass them all together.
          

I'd say I own more shoes with a heel flatter than these, than those taller.  Also, they are way, too pointy!  Completely unacceptable.  Finally, where do you're toes end in these?  You're a 5'7" guido, you're feet aint' that big.

I have seen more than one grown man in these shoes in the past few years.  I don't care if the Preppy Handbook says they are a must with your seersucker pants, pleated khaki shorts, or navy blue suit; you look even douchier than the guidos.  They're awful and meant for children (or catholic school girls, I had a rotten pair of these back in the day, I'm surprised they didn't walk out of my locker on their own).  Don't do it.


Another guido classic.  A male actually left these in our beach house this summer.  Smart move for him, hopefully he wisened up and got something a lot less horrific.  Just buy flip flops or even tevas, there's no need for mandals, ever.

There are lots of cute, acceptable shoes out there boys.  Use your brains and get them.  Or ask a platonic girlfriend (or current fuck buddy) to help you pick out ones that don't suck.  If you actually found someone to date you than by all means USE her for such things, not just blow jobs.

xoxoxo

Just figure out why we play these dating games!

BECAUSE NO ONE TALKS TO ONE ANOTHER ON THE PHONE ANYMORE...

All communication is done via text/ bbm/ email/ facebook/ gchat..
All edited, analyzed and watered down to the point you have NO IDEA what the other person is thinking, feeling or meaning with their words...

UGH.. the internet will be the end of human interaction!

So pick up phone people.. TALK!

Playing Games

I wonder why we have to play these dating games...

Why can't we all be honest about our intentions:  

• When you're just talking to someone until the next best thing comes along, why can't you just say this.
• When your being a perfect gentleman until you get laid, then just say it... "I'm a douche, but am being nice until I get in your pant's"
• Why do you take 12 hrs to respond to my text, and when you do its 5:40a on Sunday (walk of shame).
• If I'm just a rebound, let it be known.
• If your talking to me to get back at your ex.. say it
• If you have no other options, and need to get laid... say it pu55y.
• If all you want is a story for your boys.. man up dude.

God.. dating is the worst..
I wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemy

Daily Hero: Because Olga has a real PASSION for shoes.

Olga we salute you for being a disgruntled, irate shoe shopper.

After being unable to find boots to fit over your meaty calves, you pried the boot from your cankle threw it clear across the room with no regard to who it may hit.  Unfortunately no one was hit by the flying boot, too bad, however Olga we love your intensity, hope to see you at the next Macy's shoe sale. xoxoxo.

Enough...

about wikileaks ...who cares...I don't even know what that is (ok I kind of do, but still) it's hurting my ears to keep hearing that damn word...it sounds like something i contracted from Martini (disclaimer below) this summer at the pound and that's absolutely something I'd like to forget...wouldn't you if he made you do a million shots of cafe patron and  you woke up with flashbacks of only this face and a chicken roll:

Disclaimer - I contracted nothing from Martini but a bad hangover.


xoxoxo

Today's Hero: I'm dying to marry a dog, too!

You know how many dog's I've met in the past 2 years that I would've married?

Ones who like to lay around, do nothing, take naps or the occasional walk, leave messes without cleaning them up, eat gross meals that don't require silverware, drink all day, smoke weed, scratch each other, lick each other, mmmmmm wait what?  Anyway, you get the point.

I respect this human dog who decided to just come out of the closet for the rest of us and marry a REAL dog.

So thank you, Joseph Guiso, you are our hero for today.  We wish you a long life of happiness with your DOG, Honey.

Hopefully these two OD on caffeine and put us all out of our misery

I'm sick of hearing about these two jerks being in love, with coffee as their bond.  That doesn't happen in real life.

I've bonded with most of my loves in the past 2 years over things such as Jameson, coors light, bud light, miller lite, red wine, weed, chicken rolls, and white slices of pizza.

Show me two celebrities who like shit like that and aren't afraid to say it and then I'll know they're just like 'US'.