Text Master

Damage control....

So here's the back story:
I was supposed to meet a potential suitor out at a bar.  The potential suitor well call Frankfurter was coming all the way from Brooklyn to New Jersey to meet me... (honestly poor choice when dealing with the doggiest of all dogs).  However, in the midst of dogging around and a plethora of everclear I forgot that I made these plans, left the bar I was to meet Frankfurter at and went to another.  I failed to notify Frankfurter of my change in scenery and also failed to ever look at my phone until the next AM where I was to find several missed calls and texts from a poor, lonely Frankfurter.

So one may think- I guess Frankfurter is gone forever.  What kind of guy would still want to meet a girl who basically stood you up after you crossed two rivers for her???

However fear not, there's nothing a crafty text cannot fix!

So below is my text history, then we'll break it down, so anyone can craft THE perfect damage control text.

My Text:
'Uhm. So I irish exited out of Mulligan's and obviously failed to mention this to you or any of my friends... all I  can say is everclear jello shots were involve :-/ '

Key elements to the successful damage control dating debacle text:

1- Cute element - 'uhm' is cute, girly and whimsical. The dumb suitor will never think you are deceiving him when you start with uhm..

2- Cool saying guys relate to- 'irish exit'.  The suitor thinks 'this is a cool chick, I mean I have totally pulled an irish exit before'

3-  The Honest Admission- 'all I can say is everclear jello shots were involved'.  Suitor thinks- 'well at least she's not making up some story, she's genuine'.

4- THE EMOTICON- I can not stress the importance of the emoticon in ANY damage control text.
 :-/ is cute and emits the feeling of sorrow without admitting wrong doing, which brings me to #5.

5- Leaving Out the Apology, last and most important.  First off- apologizing is the admission of guilt, and if you think you did nothing wrong, then you DID do nothing wrong, and therefore there's NOTHING to apologize about.  Second- you already expressed your feeling sorrow with that emoticon, therefore an actual apology is repetitive and desperate.  I mean he's the fool that would be missing out if he doesn't agree to meet you again.

With the step by step guide above you should be able to text your way out of any drunken debacle.

So what happened with the poor frankfurter?  He bought it hook line and sinker and is asking me when we can meet.  SUCCESS.

Please post any texting questions because I am the self proclaimed textmaster and can text my way into or out of any situation.

xoxox.